Except for sharing a few pictures of our beautiful mountain; I'm finding it hard to believe it's been this long. Now August! - I must admit I'm disappointed in "me." Close friends would say I'm being too hard on myself; but I actually started writing this in May and for the lack of words -- I was just too involved with stuff to get back to it. Though I've tried many times :( I guess I just lost momentum -- lost my focus. . .My husband asked yesterday if I was posting seasonal now. . . "his funny."
My original started out with the title "It's Still May :/" (Of course now changed) I continued on to say:
Good things do happen in May as in other months of the year. Like Mother's Day and birthdays. Though I need to add one of the best birthdays ever! This past May was unusually hard for me and seemed to be without end. Realistically - it had simply been an extension or continuation of things. Most of which I get through with the help and strength from the Lord. But - as I give things up to Him and that is the key -- by "giving things up" to Him.
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
Now entering August a brand new month; the frame of mind I had in the month of May was a difficult war for me to battle. I believe I was suffering from "battle fatigue!" An attempt; for a bit of humor here :) I'd grown weary and allowed myself to do so.
"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way," Psalm 37:7
Not everyone knows what our family has been going through or has been through, however, we aren't necessarily alone, As we look around at the world in which we live there are so many hurting, longing for relief, a little help or just to be loved. My husband and I often say, "I don't know how people do it without the Lord in their lives." He has been and is the one true constant blessing. In the mists of all our troubles there have been so many blessings, many of them miracles and answers to "specific" prayers. There are time when I marvel at His love for us - "for me." Things the Lord has graciously placed into motion years earlier that would bless us/me at this time in my life, simple words cannot do justice. However, I will keep that to share another time.
"And I will cause showers to come down in their season, they will be showers of blessing." Ezekiel 34:26
Now though the above is very true - I have times when I don't do as I ought. I get so wrapped -n- tangled in what we call life, with all one person can do and foolishly on her own. Instead of riding with, you are driving away from the Lord and the "free from burdens" He has for us. That inner peace that only He can give is replaced with the stresses that this world only offers. When I say "away from," my meaning here is, I'm putting more emphasis in my own abilities trying deal with the problems, for the Lord is always with me. I'm fooling myself into thinking I have some control, maybe not even that. I know I don't and I'm not even looking at my own abilities as much as I'm shutting down - take a sabbatical. That wouldn't be so bad? That is if I were taking it with the Lord and refueling. This type of shut down has happened before but not for the same reasons. But, all of that rarely matters. What does is the reconnection the Lord only deserves - His love for you and who you are in Him.
He alone will bring about perfect peace- Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. Not as the world gives do I give you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither be afraid. John 14:27
We have always been through tough times but this particular journey we are on has been long and arduous of almost four years - longer. And, when we allow ourselves to get to the "battle fatigue" stage, that's when we've shifted our focus so much onto the problem - that - that is all we see. Even though we know - what we know, the Lord is the only one who can help us win this war. *For He already has won the battle, we need to see it.
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Isaiah 26:3
You are the one who gives us victory over our enemies; Psalm 44:7
We live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
One of our many battles stems from my husband. Jim is USCG medically retired and has been suffering from many disabilities, though he has always been able to do well - his body has truly taken a turn and not for the better. Even before we first moved here we almost lost him and after arriving every month until resent was spent driving back and forth to the VA in Tucson; working through the system and with different doctors. One day while we there and now several weeks ago, I went into the Canteen (little convenient store) which had a spin rack with inspirational books - I'm sure you've seen in other places. As I was looking my eyes skimmed across a title that got my attention, "Laughter For A Woman's Soul," I almost chuckled - sarcastically. Sadly though it was true I thought, for I lost my laughter. That spark the Lord gave me that made me - me; that merry heart of mine apparently went on some vacation that I wasn't invited too!
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22
I've written previous posts about laughter and it truly does good like a medicine. God was so wonderful in giving us emotions, but I reached a time in my life where I allowed myself to be robbed of joy. Two movies that I loved watching were "Ground Hog Day" and "Joe Verses The Volcano," both depending on what I was doing I used to describe my days. I've been so busy caring for things, others - and just plain "doing," that driving to the VA became an outing - but not a restful one. There was no time to enjoy the drive, though it's one of the prettiest drives. This spring the desert was full of beauty that would cause me to think,"If I only could take pictures to share," but my camera was broken. (Now it's finally repaired thank you Jesus). But the drive was always hurried to get back to more of the same :/ Of course there's more to this story. And, isn't there always :) I'm not sure when I'll finish mine to share, however, I feel if don't post what I have it will be lost.
Maybe you have similar things you're going through on your journey. I certainly have much more to add to this. But one thing I'll add before closing; my faith is in the Lord and He sustains me just as His word says. Even with my choices and mistakes. Even at times with unbelief - He remains the same just as His says. He is the keeper of my heart. Psalm 121