Mixed Emotion May. . .

5/12/09 4;47AM (When I started this draft to post)

So far May has been filled with mixed emotions and some events – also upcoming events for next month. For the most part my thoughts are happy ones that’s been intertwined with some sad.

For instance earlier this month I was reminded of when I was younger and going to church with my grandparents, while singing that old hymn - “What A Friend We Have In Jesus,” mostly these days we sing current/contemporary songs but I do enjoy singing old hymns once in awhile.

I realize some might not care for it but they sometimes make me teary eyed – happy/sad.

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear.
What a privilege to carry, ev'rything to God in Prayer.
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry, ev'rything to God in Prayer.

And, it’s not just this hymn it’s any that rockets be back to the Church of Christ. I have so many fond memories of when my brother and I attended; with no surprise to me that I feel as I do when I hear the old hymns. All the songs were sung 'A capella' (without instruments) it was beautiful, my grandpa sure loved to sing; and sang everywhere! Then at church I started thinking of a little black pocket Bible.

I haven’t thought of it in quite some time maybe it was that my birthday was coming up – and you might ask what did that have to do with anything. I’ll explain why. This little pocket Bible I believed belonged to my grandpa Baker. I don’t know how I came to acquired it, I had it for many years and I’m sad to say I know longer have it with me. I sure remember it though; it was a New Testament Bible, black and I think possibly leather bond with a small emblem of silver or gold on the bottom right corner. The most important part to me and where my birthday comes (and I should add my brothers also – since we were born on the same day 4 years apart) into play is at the back of the book was a page with a prayer of commitment. You could fill in the blanks as you prayed. Giving his life to the Lord on May 10, 1958 and signed at the bottom of the page was Lawrence David Baker, my grandpa – and on my first birthday. Not knowing it then but what an awesome gift to me(us) and to be able to see him again one day is an added bonus.

It's something how one memory can lead to so many more, whether it may be happy or sad. Like in the song we might be holding on to sad things in our lives. For interest:

The old hymn was written in 1855 by Joseph Scriven (b.1820-d.1886) and was orig­in­al­ly published anonymously; Scriv­en did not re­ceive full cred­it for writing it for nearly 30 years. It was said that Scriv­en wrote it as a poem to provide com­fort to his mo­ther in her time of special sorrow and hardship; not intending anyone else should see it. The world has surly been blessed with its comforting words, I know I've been blessed by it. I also read that the author was too, as he had times of sorrow and grief in his life as well.

Our family has faced many sad events in our time and of most recent was having to say good-bye (for now) to a deeply loved family member. My husband's (Jim) step-father (his name is also Jim) died earlier this month; he had been fighting cancer for quite awhile. He was the one who raised my husband his role model for life, and the one whom he had always referred to has his Dad. We'll miss him dearly, we didn't want him to go, but knowing how much he loved the Lord, we know where he is. 

Last week I saw a book in a Christian book store about death and how it’s not the end of one's life, as so many want to believe. I know a number of people that believe this way -- that when they die they are "just no more," they cease to exist. Jim said that "it's what they're hoping for, because they don't want to face the reality of heaven or hell."

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have the assurance that when your time comes you know you will be in a much better - a most wonderful - place called heaven? To be able to be reunited with those you miss and love again. You might be thinking that it's not so - - but how do you know? What if there truly is such a place, you surely wouldn't what to miss it. Would you?

I don't have a little New Testament to give you with a fill in the blank page. You really don't need it anyway.

Jesus say's "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me." Rev 3:20

This verse reminds me of another memory. When my eldest son was around 3 years old we were setting on our living room, I was watching some minister on TV and he read this verse never saying what it was about. My son said to me, “Mommy, Jesus is knocking at my door.” I replied, “He is.” Then asked him where his door was and he replied pointing to his chest, “In My heart!”

Jesus doesn't ask, nor expect, you to put on any special clothes, or to bring out the best china and silver for dinner. He doesn't even ask what's for dinner, he just wants to sit down and break bread with you, just as you are. Why? Because He loves you just as you are, He wants to be your friend; why not open the door and dine with Him?

O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry, ev'rything to God in Prayer.

Sometimes I do hold on to things that I shouldn’t as I’m sure you do, and it eats at you. Then I’m reminded I do have someone to take things to. He is Faithful. He has blessed me this month so far more than you know and in the most wonderful ways. We aren’t even through this month.

Next month we’ll be celebrating our son getting married. We won’t have family there just us and his brothers - it’s too far and I’m sure it’s costly. But, I’ll be breaking out the tissue and recording another memory for my thoughts to hold dear and to share.

My birthday was on Mother’s Day this year - I have three blessing I always hold dear.

~

Fast forward to today this morning 17 years later I am finishing this draft I believe just might have ben meant for today. 

Same sentiment and holiday / birthday combined. You could say still a mixed emotion May, with good memories and blessing mixed with sad. Somethings didn't work out as we hoped over the years - but isn't that how it is sometimes. God brought me/us through it all and will continue. We have suffered losses, and loved ones over the years, we've also been blessed living through good times and bad - let's be honest. But God by his grace has blessed this family - I do believe what Paul wrote years ago "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." 

O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry, ev'rything to God in Prayer.

How true this is why would you want to make things harder on yourself than what you may experience in this temporary life? Let go.  .  .  I love how my pastor shares and one phrase I shared myself recently, "the things we should remember we forget and the things we should forget we remember."  

I glad I saw this drafted that need posting - wow 17 years gone by, the memory of my mom's dad and his little black pocket Bible. I'm also holding on to this verse:

"Sir, what must I do to be saved?" And they said, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household." Acts 16:30-31 

I hope all mom's everywhere had a blessed mom's day, believing for you and your family, God's grace is everything it's sufficient - trust Him for the out whatever you might have on your plate today - and if He's knocking at your door, my at the time 3 year old said where that door is at. ♡

I wished I had one of my grandpa's recording of him singing - I still hear him in my memories and I'll hear him again. Amen ~

Mom ~

This post is a tribute to my mom, and really to all mom's and their self-less, perhaps sacrificial love for their children.

"May your father and mother rejoice; may she who gave you birth be joyful! Proverbs 23:25"

My mom was very young when I was born. Though I don't know where all the photo's have gone over the years, we lived in a a couple places before my brother was born. Though on a surprising note, not to many siblings can say we were born on the same day four years apart. Again, I wished I had more photo's of that time, but I have the pictures and memories I've stored inside. 

"And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart." Luke 2:51

This was the first and last birthday I remember ever having when we were kids. Our cousins were there and my childhood friend Diane. I mentioned to mom one time it would have been nice to have had your picture and she responded - well you have the cake I made and my big toe! lol

 

My brother and I were always together and I watched over him as long as I could remember like a mother hen. On a sweet note to share, mom told me that when he was born I thought he was my birthday present and claimed him as mine. :)

"Children are a heritage (gift) from the Lord, the fruit  of the womb (offspring) a reward (from him)" Psalm 127:3 [NLT, NIV, ESV]

A year or two later, and wishing this were a better photo, was our last Christmas spent in this house. The last "magical" one for a kid or I had growing up. After that I remember coming home one day from school with everything in the house gone. Sitting in the driveway was a car packed up, I was introduced to the man driving and we headed out the road for Florida. I didn't get to see or say goodbye to anyone or my dad. I was in first grade we didn't have kindergarten at the time, and I think we were possibly close to our next birthday, but I now have no one to ask.

I never forgot that Christmas and when my boys were little I tried to have my own traditions while keeping one my mom did for us. Oddly enough I couldn't quite recall how the stockings came to be - though I was always filling my boys stockings and placing them on their beds at night so when they woke they had a happy surprise. Later years down the road my mom shared this after I sent a post from my blog to her on stockings I'd been making: 

"The tradition with the stockings came from along time ago when I was a kid. When you and Dave were small I would wrap every single thing in your stocking and put them on your bed for when you woke up. I'd hear you guys in there laughing and ripping off paper. I think the stockings were always the high light of Christmas, I know it was for your sisters. It was filled every year until they got married. So was their Easter Basket. When they married they were past to the husbands to continue on, some did and some didn't. I think it all depended on how they were raised in their family. Oh that guy singing I think The Keeper of My Heart (post) what a voice. Enjoyed that a lot. Well I have to close and get ready for work, Miss you.You guys have a wonderful Christmas. oxoxoxoxoxoxox Mom" 12.22.2014

When I think about the selfless or sacrificial love of a mom I do think of mine. After getting to Florida, I wasn't happy there and things weren't good, not right. I did go to school for a bit. There was a gentlemen who lived next store though I didn't quite remember the how I got to school details, the name of the school or how long I attended. Mom mentioned when I was older and married that he was the pastor/something in charge of this Christian School there. I remember the classroom even the kid who sat behind me, he used to eat his pencils then ask for mine! He asked me one day can I have a pencil, I handed him one and said please don't eat this one, he replyed "I won't" - do you promise I asked - he said yes. Honestly, I don't remember if he did after and then we all went out for recess. Oh they did have a pop machine and I had RC with my sandwich. I don't remember how I even got back from school, or even the mans name, only my brother being happy I got back.  

Now getting back to the sacrificial love of a mom - I don't know how much time went by all I can say is my mom knew we weren't to be there, it wasn't working. One day my grandpa (pap), my dad's dad,  showed up. He and my mom talked for awhile - bags were packed and we walked out to a taxi. Looking back, my mom was standing on the porch and waving goodbye. We watched each other until we drove out of sight and that was the last time we lived with her. 

I realize this sounds hard to believe for those who might be reading this. From a young age I knew I wasn't to be there but didn't realize the full extent of what mom did for us. We got on a plane and headed back to PA where we all got on with our lives. We lived in one grandparents house that was next door to the other. I got back to school and went to church every Sunday with my mom's mom and dad. My mom stayed in Florida - remarried and my first sister was born in which my brother and I even played with her when they came to visit grandma and grandpa, she was about three or four. As a mom myself I'm not sure how I would have done this. Mom was next door and we never visited each other. Though I have to believe she had the strength to do what was hard and even heartbreaking - She loved us. I'm also sure it was how she could deal with it.

The Bibles shares about mom's who had a sacrificial love putting their children above their own needs, Moses' mom was one, in order to save her son, she put herself aside to save him to become "Moses." . Exodus 2

Hannah was another, all she wanted was to have a child and in return gave him up - back to the Lord for something better - even greater than realized. 1Samuel 1

Each story here God honored and bless the mother and the children, He answered their prayers. When I was younger and growing into a teen I started thinking about what my mom did. I also felt sad because there was't any real communication with mom, we all just moved forward. We even moved out west years later, of course we always were in contact with my mom's parents and all our other relatives. Mom later sent me little trinkets of mine that I made or had from school even a gift I purchased for her at a school fund raiser,  she kept it all. One year I received a poncho she made for me when I was twelve I still have it. She keep my brothers bear in the above picture - which I think he still has. 'Mother's do store up treasures in their hearts' ~

"Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?" Isaiah 49:15

Sometimes mom's do what is needed while putting themselves aside. I have found over the years having to do what was best all the while putting my desires aside. The Lord also helped me get through many things that were difficult for me what my mom did also took courage and strength that came from an inner source. I don't know if she realized from who at the time and we never got to talk about it, I never brought it up.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25

Years passed and I was married having children of my own, prior to that I found it harder to think about that time and feeling we were robbed of family. I was hurt and a bit angering - enough so that I had to ask for God's forgiveness with how I was feeling. I needed inner healing myself, I learned to forgive. 

Now saying this is interesting. I did forgive, however, I still didn't live around my mom she also had a different family of her own. Being we were also in the Coast Guard we did live from one side of the country to the other. One year we traveled to our new duty station in Virginia. In driving distance we weren't to far from family in Pennsylvania. While here I thought a lot about what I asked the Lord.

We had some time off and we planned to go visit family.  I asked the Lord and thinking I was good and all was forgiven, I asked Him, if you want me to see her I'll leave it in your hand, saying this while all the while thinking 'plotting' how not to run into her. So we made it PA and to my gramma house. We went upstairs and in the kitchen we sat visiting, I keep thinking my mom was probably at work. To our surprise a car drove up and cellar door opened, gram went to the door and realizing it was mom. She was shook and moving back and worth from door to table didn't know what to do. I said it's okay ~ When my mom saw me she ran to table almost jumping over grabbing me and in tears! Tears of every old emotion passing and we had tears of joy!

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."Romans 8:18

I got to see my other two younger sisters and we all kept in touch - Mom had a birthday party for me  and made me a cake.

All of us got together and went to Kennywood Park for the first ever family outing.  I even got to ride that wooden rollercoaster I'd been dying to since very young!

I can only speak for myself, I felt as God blessed us being reunited together and it was as years past were wiped clean. All was forgiven and gone. 

We made up for lost time. We visited ruins in NM - celebrated weddings and even went to teas.  

With this tea, a beautiful time we had and our last in person visit. 

"As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you;" Isaiah 33:13 

God in his love for all of us comforted us at our time apart. I believe my mom believe that we would all be together one day. I think that was our hope.

While in Florida I have to share this and really what started my thoughts on this post/Tribute to my mom.

Last fall I had a dream that was so real. My mom and I were way up in the air it seemed like we were sitting in a small plane and facing each other. Mom was sitting near a window and she looked beautiful and without using oxygen. I had the sense we were floating actually felt weightless and airy to touch. It was sunny with the most beautiful clouds - then I woke up. What came to mind as I was smiling she would be leaving soon. I shared the dream with her not saying what I believed.

I had one other dream while she was in rehab. They were hoping to help strengthen her to return home. I believe we all knew she wasn't necessarily recovering but we were hopeful she would at least breathe more comfortable and enjoy her time. (my thoughts anyway)  So while she was there I talked to her as much as I could, mom was having hard time with her phone or seeing to text. When I spoke to her maybe earlier from the last day I did, I had another dream and vision I saw years before. She was standing on the porch in Florida smiling waving goodbye. I woke up and knew she would be leaving. That vision in my dream prompted this post. 

"Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children." Proverbs 17:6

Here about two years ago my mom gave her testimony at her church before heading back to live in Florida with my sister and her family. I don't have the audio yet (working on it) however, I listened livestream and was blown away to hear she gave her life to the Lord at fourteen at a Billy Graham Crusade. My first thought was gee that would have been nice to have known! I also appreciated what she said, that she had made many mistakes. I can't quote word for word but will said God was there. I know exactly how this is. 

Knowing you have God in your heart as savior you know that we are not yet perfected we still make mistakes but God in his love for us His mercies are new every morning we have forgiveness in Him and a relationship with Him. He is working out all the details of our lives - that is those who are His.  This is what make it hard for the unbelieving to understand. We needed a Savior which is Jesus.  And those who are His know it in their hearts, though we do make mistakes we know our destination.  My mom knew this and she is there. I can celebrate that as I miss her here.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted; He saves the contrite in spirit. Psalm 34:18  

He also restores families! And will continue even if some do know how this can be, He is hearing someones prayer.

"I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, Joel 2:25

"Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life." John 5:24

Nancy Lou (Baker) Dickey (1939 – 2025)

We will be celebrating Nancy’s life on March 22, 2025, 2:00 PM Saturday at Salina Bible Church, 4132 PA-819, Avonmore, PA 15618, with refreshments following.  

 

With Nancy’s faith in the Lord, she could stand on His word.  ‘We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from body and home with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:8. 

One day, she said goodbye

we left and went away.

We were very young, 

but I still remember

her standing on the porch

and waving.

To know a mother's love, 

It took some time.

To realize her love it took

some time.

And God healed it all.

 

VLB 2.26.25

The Keeper of My Heart ~

Updated 9.1.25

:

My sister sent a box of mom's things to me and in there were photo's. Some I hadn't seen in years and others I don't remember at all, only the memory of being there. I was happy to see them and the memories our mom kept close. Here's one ~