Mom ~

This post is a tribute to my mom, and really to all mom's and their self-less, perhaps sacrificial love for their children.

"May your father and mother rejoice; may she who gave you birth be joyful! Proverbs 23:25"

My mom was very young when I was born. Though I don't know where all the photo's have gone over the years, we lived in a a couple places before my brother was born. Though on a surprising note, not to many siblings can say we were born on the same day four years apart. Again, I wished I had more photo's of that time, but I have the pictures and memories I've stored inside. 

"And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart." Luke 2:51

This was the first and last birthday I remember ever having when we were kids. Our cousins were there and my childhood friend Diane. I mentioned to mom one time it would have been nice to have had your picture and she responded - well you have the cake I made and my big toe! lol

 

My brother and I were always together and I watched over him as long as I could remember like a mother hen. On a sweet note to share, mom told me that when he was born I thought he was my birthday present and claimed him as mine. :)

"Children are a heritage (gift) from the Lord, the fruit  of the womb (offspring) a reward (from him)" Psalm 127:3 [NLT, NIV, ESV]

A year or two later, and wishing this were a better photo, was our last Christmas spent in this house. The last "magical" one for a kid or I had growing up. After that I remember coming home one day from school with everything in the house gone. Sitting in the driveway was a car packed up, I was introduced to the man driving and we headed out the road for Florida. I didn't get to see or say goodbye to anyone or my dad. I was in first grade we didn't have kindergarten at the time, and I think we were possibly close to our next birthday, but I now have no one to ask.

I never forgot that Christmas and when my boys were little I tried to have my own traditions while keeping one my mom did for us. Oddly enough I couldn't quite recall how the stockings came to be - though I was always filling my boys stockings and placing them on their beds at night so when they woke they had a happy surprise. Later years down the road my mom shared this after I sent a post from my blog to her on stockings I'd been making: 

"The tradition with the stockings came from along time ago when I was a kid. When you and Dave were small I would wrap every single thing in your stocking and put them on your bed for when you woke up. I'd hear you guys in there laughing and ripping off paper. I think the stockings were always the high light of Christmas, I know it was for your sisters. It was filled every year until they got married. So was their Easter Basket. When they married they were past to the husbands to continue on, some did and some didn't. I think it all depended on how they were raised in their family. Oh that guy singing I think The Keeper of My Heart (post) what a voice. Enjoyed that a lot. Well I have to close and get ready for work, Miss you.You guys have a wonderful Christmas. oxoxoxoxoxoxox Mom" 12.22.2014

When I think about the selfless or sacrificial love of a mom I do think of mine. After getting to Florida, I wasn't happy there and things weren't good, not right. I did go to school for a bit. There was a gentlemen who lived next store though I didn't quite remember the how I got to school details, the name of the school or how long I attended. Mom mentioned when I was older and married that he was the pastor/something in charge of this Christian School there. I remember the classroom even the kid who sat behind me, he used to eat his pencils then ask for mine! He asked me one day can I have a pencil, I handed him one and said please don't eat this one, he replyed "I won't" - do you promise I asked - he said yes. Honestly, I don't remember if he did after and then we all went out for recess. Oh they did have a pop machine and I had RC with my sandwich. I don't remember how I even got back from school, or even the mans name, only my brother being happy I got back.  

Now getting back to the sacrificial love of a mom - I don't know how much time went by all I can say is my mom knew we weren't to be there, it wasn't working. One day my grandpa (pap), my dad's dad,  showed up. He and my mom talked for awhile - bags were packed and we walked out to a taxi. Looking back, my mom was standing on the porch and waving goodbye. We watched each other until we drove out of sight and that was the last time we lived with her. 

I realize this sounds hard to believe for those who might be reading this. From a young age I knew I wasn't to be there but didn't realize the full extent of what mom did for us. We got on a plane and headed back to PA where we all got on with our lives. We lived in one grandparents house that was next door to the other. I got back to school and went to church every Sunday with my mom's mom and dad. My mom stayed in Florida - remarried and my first sister was born in which my brother and I even played with her when they came to visit grandma and grandpa, she was about three or four. As a mom myself I'm not sure how I would have done this. Mom was next door and we never visited each other. Though I have to believe she had the strength to do what was hard and even heartbreaking - She loved us. I'm also sure it was how she could deal with it.

The Bibles shares about mom's who had a sacrificial love putting their children above their own needs, Moses' mom was one, in order to save her son, she put herself aside to save him to become "Moses." . Exodus 2

Hannah was another, all she wanted was to have a child and in return gave him up - back to the Lord for something better - even greater than realized. 1Samuel 1

Each story here God honored and bless the mother and the children, He answered their prayers. When I was younger and growing into a teen I started thinking about what my mom did. I also felt sad because there was't any real communication with mom, we all just moved forward. We even moved out west years later, of course we always were in contact with my mom's parents and all our other relatives. Mom later sent me little trinkets of mine that I made or had from school even a gift I purchased for her at a school fund raiser,  she kept it all. One year I received a poncho she made for me when I was twelve I still have it. She keep my brothers bear in the above picture - which I think he still has. 'Mother's do store up treasures in their hearts' ~

"Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?" Isaiah 49:15

Sometimes mom's do what is needed while putting themselves aside. I have found over the years having to do what was best all the while putting my desires aside. The Lord also helped me get through many things that were difficult for me what my mom did also took courage and strength that came from an inner source. I don't know if she realized from who at the time and we never got to talk about it, I never brought it up.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25

Years passed and I was married having children of my own, prior to that I found it harder to think about that time and feeling we were robbed of family. I was hurt and a bit angering - enough so that I had to ask for God's forgiveness with how I was feeling. I needed inner healing myself, I learned to forgive. 

Now saying this is interesting. I did forgive, however, I still didn't live around my mom she also had a different family of her own. Being we were also in the Coast Guard we did live from one side of the country to the other. One year we traveled to our new duty station in Virginia. In driving distance we weren't to far from family in Pennsylvania. While here I thought a lot about what I asked the Lord.

We had some time off and we planned to go visit family.  I asked the Lord and thinking I was good and all was forgiven, I asked Him, if you want me to see her I'll leave it in your hand, saying this while all the while thinking 'plotting' how not to run into her. So we made it PA and to my gramma house. We went upstairs and in the kitchen we sat visiting, I keep thinking my mom was probably at work. To our surprise a car drove up and cellar door opened, gram went to the door and realizing it was mom. She was shook and moving back and worth from door to table didn't know what to do. I said it's okay ~ When my mom saw me she ran to table almost jumping over grabbing me and in tears! Tears of every old emotion passing and we had tears of joy!

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."Romans 8:18

I got to see my other two younger sisters and we all kept in touch - Mom had a birthday party for me  and made me a cake.

All of us got together and went to Kennywood Park for the first ever family outing.  I even got to ride that wooden rollercoaster I'd been dying to since very young!

I can only speak for myself, I felt as God blessed us being reunited together and it was as years past were wiped clean. All was forgiven and gone. 

We made up for lost time. We visited ruins in NM - celebrated weddings and even went to teas.  

With this tea, a beautiful time we had and our last in person visit. 

"As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you;" Isaiah 33:13 

God in his love for all of us comforted us at our time apart. I believe my mom believe that we would all be together one day. I think that was our hope.

While in Florida I have to share this and really what started my thoughts on this post/Tribute to my mom.

Last fall I had a dream that was so real. My mom and I were way up in the air it seemed like we were sitting in a small plane and facing each other. Mom was sitting near a window and she looked beautiful and without using oxygen. I had the sense we were floating actually felt weightless and airy to touch. It was sunny with the most beautiful clouds - then I woke up. What came to mind as I was smiling she would be leaving soon. I shared the dream with her not saying what I believed.

I had one other dream while she was in rehab. They were hoping to help strengthen her to return home. I believe we all knew she wasn't necessarily recovering but we were hopeful she would at least breathe more comfortable and enjoy her time. (my thoughts anyway)  So while she was there I talked to her as much as I could, mom was having hard time with her phone or seeing to text. When I spoke to her maybe earlier from the last day I did, I had another dream and vision I saw years before. She was standing on the porch in Florida smiling waving goodbye. I woke up and knew she would be leaving. That vision in my dream prompted this post. 

"Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children." Proverbs 17:6

Here about two years ago my mom gave her testimony at her church before heading back to live in Florida with my sister and her family. I don't have the audio yet (working on it) however, I listened livestream and was blown away to hear she gave her life to the Lord at fourteen at a Billy Graham Crusade. My first thought was gee that would have been nice to have known! I also appreciated what she said, that she had made many mistakes. I can't quote word for word but will said God was there. I know exactly how this is. 

Knowing you have God in your heart as savior you know that we are not yet perfected we still make mistakes but God in his love for us His mercies are new every morning we have forgiveness in Him and a relationship with Him. He is working out all the details of our lives - that is those who are His.  This is what make it hard for the unbelieving to understand. We needed a Savior which is Jesus.  And those who are His know it in their hearts, though we do make mistakes we know our destination.  My mom knew this and she is there. I can celebrate that as I miss her here.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted; He saves the contrite in spirit. Psalm 34:18  

He also restores families! And will continue even if some do know how this can be, He is hearing someones prayer.

"I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, Joel 2:25

"Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life." John 5:24

Nancy Lou (Baker) Dickey (1939 – 2025)

We will be celebrating Nancy’s life on March 22, 2025, 2:00 PM Saturday at Salina Bible Church, 4132 PA-819, Avonmore, PA 15618, with refreshments following.  

 

With Nancy’s faith in the Lord, she could stand on His word.  ‘We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from body and home with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:8. 

One day, she said goodbye

we left and went away.

We were very young, 

but I still remember

her standing on the porch

and waving.

To know a mother's love, 

It took some time.

To realize her love it took

some time.

And God healed it all.

 

VLB 2.26.25

The Keeper of My Heart ~

When Someone Is Missed.

 

I must have been dreaming.

But it was so real.

There was something exciting to tell you,

Excitement I could feel ~

I jumped up and went out to find you,

Then I remembered you were gone.

I must have been dreaming.

It was sad to recall,

You weren't there at all.

I thought, how stupid!

What was I thinking?

I was stunned to remember,

Then, I couldn't remember

what I wanted to tell you.

I thought how stupid.

To not just think, but

to feel it was so real.

It was sad to recall,

You were no longer there at all.?

Were my thoughts

playing a trick on me?

I wondered off and on

throughout the day.

I truly can't remember,

what I even wanted to say.

This odd feeling just came over me.

It took me back in time.

All it was, was a memory

Of knowing you were mine.

Now it's just a dream

That felt so real to me.

I guess that's just the way it is~

And will remain to be.

Whan someone is missed.

3.6.24 VB

Possibly the blossoms

Coming into bloom

A time for new beginnings

A time we long for ~

3.8.24 VB

My beloved speaks and says to me; "Arise, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away." Song of Solomon 2:10-13 ESV

Honoring Our Veterans

Most recent I have been busy trying to finish jobs I started all the while seeking closure. Much of what I’ve been doing is going through the same stuff as previous years. Though something new here to share someone’s interested in Jim’s hospital bed. That in and of itself is a big deal. Unless you have tried to get rid of one you have no idea how hard it is to find someone to take it. And believe me when I say it is a top-of-the-line bed.

So yesterday and for the first time since Jim didn’t need it anymore, as it sat in the room silent for more than six years. I have to say it was mentally hard for me to plug in and turn it on to make sure it was in working order. The sound alone brought memories with it – and don’t get me wrong, I’m not attached to the bed, but Jim had needed it for years. It is a memory that was a part of our life much like going through his close and such.

Now just so you know none of what I just wrote has anything to do with what I planned to write. But while in the process needing to locate all the information on the bed, that I still haven’t found argh!, I stopped to read one of Jim’s journals. What I read in Jim’s journal is really the bit I wanted to share written in early November of 2009 that fits with honoring Veterans.

Trading Your Life for Another

How is it possible to have such hatred for another human being that you’d be willing to trade your life for that person.

It was Jesus who said that no greater love can a man have than to give his life for another. We refer to it as the “Ultimate sacrifice” especially when talking about our young men and women in the military. No one wants to see our Nations young die in battle .  .  .

(These young men and women are willing to die so that another group can continue their murder and mayhem)

One dies out of a sense of duty to country and the love and loyalty they have to their comrades next to them the other group out of unrestrained hatred and lack of regard for human life – Jim

(To be honest this sounds very much like we see today rather prophetic, VB)

Jim wrote about many things; he had a desire to write and was gifted. So, to finish up what I believe ties in with Veterans and their willingness to serve I will finish from another part from his journal.

Continuing from another page and in part .  .  .

FAITH, HOPE, AND LOVE, AND THE GREATEST OF THESE? – IS LOVE –

I’ve always found it interesting that there is in fact an order to basic foundational elements of ones’ faith – But it doesn’t take too much mental effect to conclude that the greatest is indeed Love. Love covers all, Love concours all, it motivates us, call us to action. Love is the reason that God Himself sent His only Son, that whosoever believe on Him shall be saved .  .  .  As a parent it is extremely difficult for me to think about or imagine what it would feel like to send one of my boys to die for someone else – Especially someone as sinful as mankind. Imagine, if you will what it must have been like for Jesus – How much He first loved the Father, than us. Think about it, Jesus came here so that we might be saved, knowing, His fate, His assignment, His entire life, never backing down, never changing His mind – Jesus’ willingness to suffer not just the pain of physical death but the pain for ALL HIS mankind. Then He suffered the greatest pain of all, three days of total separation from God the Father.  Jim

Jesus is the best example we have as a suffering servant to those who serve. He gave everything He had to save. Many of our men and women who serve today put aside themselves unselfishly to serve and to save. Whether they are a follower of Christ or not they have a servant's heart a love for humanity they value human life and the right to live freely. This is a given right that we are at risk of losing to others that do not hold to the same value. I am reminded of a verse in in the Bible –

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant that yourselves. Philippians 2:3 ESV and not to stop there reading in verses 5-8 – Have this in mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

So today I want to honor all those that have stepped out unselfishly to serve, some gave their lives in times of war and fought hard as they severed even in times of peace they served. Some we still live among those who serve today and some we see who have served that have been forgotten that should be given the honor and care due to them. Let’s remember but not just remember let’s thank them and their families that also gave fathers and mothers, husbands and wives, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters – their times at home with their families those they dearly love up to serve – it doesn’t matter the Branch they served – THEY SERVED and gave themselves for all of us and our country .  .  .

Jim & Me ~

BTW – The bed will be used to help someone who needs it. Jim asked that I not get rid of it that somebody will need it, lol. I will need a part pray that I can get it so this gentleman can use it. Thank you

My Jim ~

It's been six years ago this very day the Lord took Jim away. I don't know if one really stops missing the one you loved and been with for many years. Through good times and not so good times. Happy and sad times. Someone that is so close to you and knows everything about you because you let them in. This was Jim. Except for the Lord no one knew me better.

We shared many adventures.

We had three sons together.

With wonderful memories.

He loved his boys.

He loved Fords.

He smiled in pain, and no one knew it.

 

He was determined to make it to the big island to see his first grandchild. He spent valuable time enjoying every moment. He also was at tears for the pain he was in. He told me that when he was taken to the ER the doctor took one look and said he understood why after looking at his x-rays.

He would always smile no matter he knew the secret - he also struggled it was a physical, mental, and spiritual battle he was in. Meeting Ravi was also a highlight. Both are with the Lord both had lived with pain.

A Christmas at that the hospital - Jim liked to make me laugh. He was a true patriot. lol

He told me he would see his granddaughter! And he did.

                             

He was rarely seen like this and not long before he left at the age of 56. A little girl asked me one time if my daddy let me eat something as we were in a restaurant. I laughed and felt so bad because his illness aged him so.

                                       

Jim was a good sport and the love of my life.

Grief hurts bad because you love so much. However, out of this - if I were to say I've learned something on this journey is that God has been with me every step. And I am grateful to have been so blessed with Jim in my life. 

Always ~

Philippians 4:13

is the secret.

Letting Go ~

I have been sharing a lot with others over the past few years about grief. Not really a surprise for my hope has always been to encourage others. I recently read in her book that they, Toni Singleton Adams, 'discovered being a widow was like when you purchase a car and discover everyone else has it' - you mostly have something in common with one another. Though not a humorous thought, I had to laugh a little for understanding. My husband was a 'great purchaser' of something new on a regular basis and every time - no matter what vehicle it seemed to be everywhere and in the same color! Basically, you are not the only one alone as you thought - we are many.

I don't remember if I shared in a previous post, I started a widow's group at my local fellowship The River. The ladies are from all different backgrounds, being married a different number of years, having fellowshipped in different denominations, our husbands have gone on having been gone some months and some years.  Two things we share, the loss of their husbands and the belief of seeing them again. We may grieve differently but we all have experienced the same loss of half ourselves.

When we get together, we have an opportunity to encourage one another - share the importance of healing with God's help, continue to learn and grow moving forward, see something that is often forgotten - the importance of who you still are - you are valued, and one other thing though there are many we cover, it's important to allow time to grieve, crying is healing, it is also important in this healing process to yield your loved one to the Lord. Yeilding doesn't mean a nonexistence state as if they didn't exist, you still miss those you love; it also doesn't mean you are dishonoring their memory. It does mean you are allowing for healing by letting go and trusting God in moving forward.

Yielding is not easy; we all want to hold on but yielding our loved one to the Lord and committing - with 'yielding' ourselves we are opening the door for God to start healing our broken heart.  I have had to. With time to think on this and I am willing to trust God - standing on the validity of His Word. 

At the end of last month, I thought of a phrase as I was looking at Jim's journals and missing his presence, I wrote it down.  I guess I was feeling lonely - it is true I purposed in my heart putting God front and center, focusing in on Him and my walk; because I did, even though I still miss Jim, I am able to continue my race* and understand as a widow letting go is very important to continue on my walk with Jesus.  And here comes the phrase - am I honoring his memory or idolizing - by not letting go. It would be easy for us -to fall into the later out of our grief and not wanting to let go or being able in a healthy way to let go.

At church we hear a lot about renewing our minds as written in Romans 12:2 [super important] but what about what is going on in our hearts as? 

  Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. NIV

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. NLT

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow springs of life. ESV

There is no question so many are hurting, grieving for their other half. But there is so much to all of what we are experiencing that God longs to help us with. Several times widows have expressed not enjoying how they are feeling at all though struggle to let go. I believe in yielding and have done so. I still occasionally take steps backward then forwards when issues arise that Jim and I worked out together. However, being honest here, I feel better over-all yielding - letting go while still honoring his memory.

This was not an easy post to write very heartfelt and I am so aware of others grieving. Letting go, I believe, is vital for everyone. Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one or something else you are living in. Moving forward many times means letting go. It is especially true in a relationship with God. Letting go is instrumental for healing and for God taking us to where our lives are to be as His children. Now, isn't all of this in God's timing? Isn't everyone different, healing and growing different? Yes, but for the believer we need to seek Him, put Him first in all things and trusting Him for the outcome. For someone who do not have a relationship with Jesus it is still important to let go to heal, and I pray that you get help need and consider locating a good fellowship or check out Grief Share in your area. You are not alone and there's nothing wrong with getting need help.

*Race - The Bible tells us we are all on a race and we want to finish well. We will one day see them again meanwhile let us finish well and honor their memory with doing so. Hebrew 12:1

Lastly ~

I would like to share a song that a Christian Rock Group - Jonah33 recorded.  I bought the CD years ago. Finding it recently, I listen to it several times. I had shared before how music can be healing this was not different. I listened to the song below with a few tears. The singer points out in his lyrics many things we think ourselves. I believe is sharing about his father you could easily take it as anyone you're missing or are holding on to tightly to. 

Grieving hurts most because we loved much ~ 

Need to Let Go

It comes in like a flood

And shoves off just the same

Never a warning

With no one to blame

And not even time can offer a remedy

Like a knife through my heart

A kiss to my face

Is you memory

Then I saw a face

And I swear it was you 

And I miss you so much

Hey can you hear me?

I need you to know

That if it's all right with you

I just need to let go

'Cause time waits for no one

And life carries on

And I'll never forget you

I just need to let go

I just need to let go

And you'll never find mercy

In the cycle of life

You can't bend the rules

'Cause everyone dies

When my boy looks at me

Like I looked at you

I'll be king of the world

If he loves me half as much as I loved you

Then I saw a face

And I swear it was you

And I miss you so much

Hey can you hear me?

I need you to know

That if it's all right with you 

I just need to let go

'Cause time waits for no one 

And life carries on

And I'll never forget you 

I just need to let go

I just need to let go

Please feel free to email with any questions or concerns you have. Lifting everyone up prayer and know God has plans for loving plans for you. VB

Book mentioned, Diary of a Weeping Widow from Mourning to Morning by Toni Singleton Adams ED.S

Our Impact ~

Years ago, when my husband and I lived in the northwest coast we made forever friends some I still keep in touch with. You never know the impact you have on the lives of others in this life. Much the same is music that touched your heart in ways of laugher, even tears, especially when hearing them again. Even cherished memories from photos. Recently I've been thinking a lot about those days. Our lives were changed through our experiences and growth in a relationship with God/Jesus. I know I have continued to change for the better, Jim would agree. What has me thinking - lol- I'm always thinking!

Maybe since at church, and it's always a blessing, seeing others get baptized - reminded me when Jim and I got baptized at the same time, it was June of 82 in the great Pacific on the Oregon coast. We were in a small fellowship, and after deciding to do this, we met out on the beach just before dusk. We were ready, our closest friends [Seaside family] which was the fellowship, and our two little ones were there. I was about two months pregnant; the water was cold though we didn't notice till we got back onto the dry sand. The anticipation we felt was exciting - I can't help but say the love and joy in our hearts was such a blessing to us both, we also sang a couple short songs of praise out of Psalms. This memory I have occasionally but was more recently triggered from watching others getting baptized with some who've just given their life to the Lord, others rededicating their life with baptism. 

Here at church this past Sunday and in the Widows group, a few of us had been sharing about worship and music that impact(ed) our lives over the years, Keith Green was one mentioned and later after returning home I pulled up some of the songs. I can't leave out the notion that in preparing for our group I remember many things - some I share - it is all healing, even the tears. My focus continues in the Lord even when my memory stirs with past thoughts of what was, I thank a Heavenly Father for how He blessed me with Jim and our boys, with everyone we've met on our path and what He is continuing to do in my life.

Last night after heading to bed I fell to sleep fairly quick only to wake up around two not being able to fall back to sleep. I kept praying and crying to myself as in partly asleep but not, thinking, with this song going over and over. This continued until I got out of bed around five.

As each day passes by, I feel my love run dry

 I get so weary, worn and tossed 'round in the storm

Well I'm blind to all His needs and I'm tired of planting seeds

I seem to have a wealth of so many thoughts about myself

I want to, I need to, be more like Jesus

I want to, I need to, be more like Him

Songs do impact you. This song is a desire to grow and continually be more like Jesus. John 3:30 He must increase; but I must decrease. ESV   This is how I feel and believe in my heart. It is my desire to do so. And I believe this is why some songs bring me to tears, not just a happy memory of how things were when love was new and exciting, but a reminder God is causing growth working on things still needing to be sloughed off ever moving forward to where my race ends.

For those of us that have a relationship with the Lord, we are on a race Hebrews12:1, and we need to finish. We all impact those around us and I want to be a worthy runner.

Another trigger is at The River we have been studying about Heaven reading through Randy Alcorn's book and in scripture. This book has been eye opening to what the Bible has been saying on eternal life and I surely don't want anyone to miss out. What's your desire deep in your heart?

For many of us in the Widows group we would agree that life is short, and our husbands left to soon. My husband very much impacted my life, and he is missed - however - I know I will see him again. It does make me sad here but rejoicing he is healed and no longer living this life of pain, and God continues to bless my life. I understand the concerns that our group has with this world that's torn and hurting and the uncertainty of loved ones. But I don't forget God is working and my faith is in Him.

As I have been blessed by so many the Lord has connected me with, I pray I am able to be a blessing to others. It was interesting as I looked back at Keith Green's life, he died very young just 28 with his two children in a plane crash. His wife Melony was home with a small child and one on the way. She continued forward and also in Last Days Ministries - ministry they started - it certainly wasn't something easy. I also watched a clip I had never seen before and for those - if reading - Keith was 11 years old and signed a 5-year contract as the youngest rock 'n roll singer. He was also of Jewish heritage and raised in Christain Science [I didn't know]. A talented - gifted young man who sought the truth and found the Lord. He was very young, and God blessed many of us through him. His music is still being sung today. One song he wrote a song I hadn't remember hearing before [A letter to my parents - I want to see you there].  That is my desire for others, more so than the concerns of today with all we see. I want to see you there.

Enjoy ~ Really cute!

Last thought ~ The beauty of the Lord is - He never wastes any season in our lives. He always works all things in our lives for good if we allow Him to. Rebecca Greenwood 2010    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 ESV

A very happy and cherished memory ~

Five Years ~

The word milestone is a word people use often. According to Cambridge Dictionary it can mean a mile marker - a stone or post that shows distance to various places, or to the nearest large town. Or an important event in the development or history of something or in someone's life. 

Last week I was thinking five years had zipped by and I have had a number of milestones along my journey - I'm sure many others have as well.  February 4, 2017; is when my husband passed away - Tho, old timers might say went home to be with the Lord. 

I was also thinking of another time when five years marked my journey. We were living along the northwest coast of Oregon at the time. Our boys, just babies as my pap would call them, I had recently gone through two major surgeries and been recovering from almost dying after our youngest was born. Jim had a plan. 

We had been going to a little fellowship in Warrenton started meeting in an old grange that we all helped make ready for a church. Just a small bunch of us and it was good to be a part of this fellowship. One Sunday morning we got the boys already and Jim asked what I planned on wearing. I wasn't sure and he suggested that I wear this light grey - I want to say gauchos, a white and light grey sweater and with my burgundy boots [still have the boots not the other], he continued with saying you always look very pretty in that. When we made it to church everyone there was smiling and ask how are you? I'd smile and say good! Well, it was our anniversary and Jim planned a wedding for me/us. I got to walked down the aisle, we said our vows - there was food and a wedding cake! I couldn't believe it! It was a wonderful surprise. 

You see when we got married, we both had a day off from work, moved into an apartment and went back to work the next day. No honeymoon, no big wedding, or reception. Jim's mom wasn't thrilled and the only family I had was my brother who came and was going to be my witness but couldn't sign because he was a year to young. I was very happy he was there though! It wasn't a bad day at all, I loved every moment when we first got married. What Jim did for our anniversary became one of my best memories. A beautiful milestone on my journey in this life of mine. If Jim had not 'gone home' we would have been married 44 years this December. That in itself could have also been a milestone in today's world!

What is five years? When I look at or measure time, it can go by quickly and then it can seem as it doesn't move at all and drag. My first five as I look back had many challenges but some of the best memories. I could say the same for the past five, though very different. Both has had memorable milestones. The real difference is Jim was missing in the last, and though it zipped by it seems like an eternity since I've seen him, when we had a good talk or laugh. 

I am very grateful for the years I've had, and grateful God was with us throughout the years and me still. Aw there might be a few things I'd change and then I wouldn't change a thing.  

We are here for only a moment, visitors and strangers in the land as our ancestors were before us. Our days on earth are like a passing shadow, gone so soon without a trace.  [no hope of remaining AMP] 1 Chronicles 29:15 NLT  

But God has a plan ~

Overall, I am good, we all have good days and not so good, my faith is in the LORD, and I am looking forward to the future. I know in my heart I will see Jim and all who have gone before. VB

I love this pic.

I realize this is long, my mom even had mentioned on another post - a bit long- lol. 

Margins ~

When we think of margins we might often think of the space around written letters of importance and such, borders. It can also mean a measure or degree allowed an area - space not just around a letter you are writing but also the edge or border of something.  An example given from an online dictionary lists that of an eastern margin of the Indian Ocean. 

Two of our sons had a wonderful 4th grade teacher who was a stickler for learning all there was so that each student would benefit into their adult years. She invested her time with students instilling valued lessons they would use in every day life.  Like when learning about the importance of having margins. She shared how important it was to have margins or allow enough space in between your use of time not just  what was typically expected for your written projects and proper in grammer.

One day my youngest came home and he seemed to enjoy her class. She made sure our young people developed a confedence as they worked out school age problems. She encouraged them to do their best based on their on hard work and not others. If you were stuggling other kids didn't know it and no belittling was allowed. The students all worked hard and also enjoyed learning with many hands on fun.

I believe the parents valued her and she valued us. We all took away many lessons she shared.

I have often thought of the importance of having margins. Taking a little extra time to get from once place to another, planning well. Anymore we see so many in a hurry mode with no joy in what they do. I know I find myself there at times and more than I would like to admit. But I quickly rethink what I'm doing and go about it better.

Of most recent I was sad that I hadn't more time with a sweet lady at church. She hadn't been well and she was a blessing. The last I saw her was at a connect group and the following she had a birthday in which I put together a card I'd made years ago with some chocolate.  I kept looking for her at church then found she was very ill. When I went to ask her address I found she had pasted away.

Last Wednesday, my group had plans to meet for lunch and since parking is poor at the resturant, the decision was made to meet at church for anyone that would like to carpool. Some were running late, others a no show. I have already planned on leaving the church closer to our designated time for lunch just incase someone showed. I had a margin. 

I had a margin; I was blessed that I did. I used the time to visit with a special person while I was waiting. We talked, though he really wasn't feeling well -  he shared he had been praying for wisdom and that he had COPD, continued on a bit till I had to leave and said I would keep him in my prayers. I'm trusting he got his answer, I can't imagine him not being full of joy now and pain free as he passed away not long after. I found this out the following Sunday. I was stunned with immediate thoughts of margins. 

A cute story about margins ~

One day my youngest got home from school and was going on about his day - all the happenings and what a time he had. He kept on talking about this and that - with all of a sudden saying, "You know Mom, it's just what Mrs. Emory says, virgins are forever!" I had the biggest chuckle he was so cute and had no idea what he really said. I myself had heard Mrs. Emory tell the class, remember - "Margins are forever!" They were fun times, with happy memories, and valued lessons.

"How frail is humanity! 

How short is life, how full of trouble!

We blossom like a flower and then wither.

Like a passing shadow, we quickly disapper.

Job 14:1-2 NLT

A person's days are determined;

you have decreed the number of his months

and have set limits he cannot exceed."

Job 14:5 NIV

As with all those who have gone before; my time is also in God's hands and I want to make full use of those margins.

Do you have margins? Let's make the most of everyday by utilizing those margins to bless others. To be blessed. Above all to please and bless the Lord. 

Today's Birthday Boy ~

Today should have been a Jim's 61st birthday. Happy Birthday Jim! I have been busy all day and just now sat down and a thought came to me, that I still find it hard to believe he is gone. Then I thought today was his birthday.  Earlier this month I thought of celebrating what would have been but sometimes things change. So maybe later. 

This has been an interesting week, not the best but not the worst. 

I had been sharing with our Widow's group how God comes along side and helps us on our race. As in Hebrews 12:1 - we are on a race and we are surrounded by a cloud of witness to cheer us on, all those that have gone before us - including Jim.

I used a visual from YouTube of a runner Derek Redman as he ran in the 1992 Barcelona Olympics. He did not - though he was the favorite, win the gold that year; but suffered a serve injury to his hamstring. He still needed to finish the race; we need to finish the one we are on.  Derek's father came to his aide pushing off security running to his son. God does the same for His children and we should allow Him to do so. He did not intend for us to run a race alone without the help and aide of the Holy Spirit.

Jim finished his race. I wished he’d been in cross country and not the short sprint! :) 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrew 12:1-2 NIV

This is the clip I showed there are many to choice from including those showing the cheering crowd.

Happy Birthday Jim I am happy you are not in pain anymore and that you finished your race. It's nice to know there is such a great crowd of witness, hero's that you are among to cheer us on. 

You are missed.

Our Thought's ~

It isn't far from me 

That is my thoughts.

It will dictate my day

It isn't always honest

And, goes by what 

I feed it ~

It can dwell upon 

the negative

As well as 

upon the good.

I can choose 

to renew it.

Day by day

it is fed away.

down the road 

I choose ~

VLB 6/26/21

To logically look at grief is an interesting thing one experiences. You will have many emotions jumping about and thoughts that are triggered if you will - everywhere. The depth of what one experiences can be in the viscera felt deep within into the depths of your organs. It is something that one cannot quite put into words, the loss felt deep within. The gift of loving with all the blessings and the heartfelt sadness within the depths of oneself in grief ~ VLB 6/26/21

It is but a season

We find ourselves today.

Seeds drop 

And life begins

A flower forms

And fades away

Yet to die again.

But not without 

dropping seeds.

VLB 6/26/21

I laughed yesterday telling a friend that my mind was busy the night before - back and worth - yet again with thoughts. As if having a conversation in my head of what I would be sharing in our widow's group I've been blessed to helped initiate. I was so tired from working outside that day, all I kept saying was Lord help me remember I'm to tired to get up and write all of this down! 

I think like this, my mind is full and much of the time, for the most part I put it down or hold it within my heart to share when a time comes around. :) As I've shared some time back - I have been dubbed "Rambling Vik"  Some of which might not mean much to others but thoughts put down in my journal or here that my family can have that is a bit of myself. 

Yesterday and I will share in part, I jotted that it was a good day. I find that even if you don't feel like you can muster the strength, try to shift your thoughts - renew what your mind and thoughts feed on. I also jotted down a few quotes I liked for something to ponder.

"We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God."   Dietrich Bonhoeffer

There is meaning in every journey that is unknown to the traveler.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55;8-9

"I can't begin to comprehend all the ways of the Lord. I can only have confidence in knowing He knows all. What better way than trust in Him who has all things in His control for the best possible outcome. Rest Easy in Him." ~ VB 6/25/2021

I find that the journey I am on with the exception of the loss of my husband I am still on the journey the Lord has placed me years ago. Grief is a extension of that journey I am experiencing to enable my ability to encourage others on their journey. As I have shared with some - the idea that grief should only last a certain time is incorrect. It really depends on the person and the grief they experience as when loosing your mate. The separation of loss felt with missing half of yourself is a real emotion you feel. And, for some it may take a bit longer to heal though to be honest here, you don't stop loving the person or stop missing them - you do heal - cry less and live.

I was listening to a radio show with an interview with Amy Orr-Ewing sharing her book -Where is God in all the suffering? I purchased the book which is a very good read. I re-read a bit on what she wrote about grief -here she had already been sharing about God's love this is the lead into that which I wanted to share: 

We have already heard that the Bible speaks of a loving God creating a world within which love is possible, since human beings have been made in his image, but in this chapter I would like us to consider how it prepares us for the cost of that love- grief. The pain of loss is a very particular suffering reserved for anyone that has loved another person who has died. In the human experience of grief, it becomes abundantly clear to us that love is not reducible to a biochemical firing of neurons or to raw animal survival instant. But grief is much more than that.     The Bible's account of human beings as god-like creatures given to each other as companions, lovers, friends and family, with the capacity to make deep and sacred attachments of love to each other, reflects the real lived experience of love between people in friendship, parenthood and marriage, and with our siblings. The English novelist and poet Dinah Craik wrote about the power and depth of human connection and friendship in the 1800s, and she describes it beautifully:        But oh! the blessings it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's  most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort of feeling safe with a person- having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.        The joy of deep, unconditional friendship is so simple and yet utterly significant in life- it seems to be a uniquely human gift. Our friendships enrich life, connect us with the past and the present, and for many people, make life worth living. And so when death comes we experience it as more than the decay of physical tissue and basic matter- we experience it as loss. Yes, the loss of physical touch, but more devastatingly, the loss of emotional and sacred connection. Human suffering of this kind is a consequence of love.  Amy Orr-Ewing

I know that was long but it is so much of what is experienced in grief. I have read it several times and still cry.

Crying is a HUGE part of healing but:

You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever. Psalm 30:11-12 ESV

I am thankful for the Lord in my life. Allow the Lord to touch your heart today, open up and let Him in to minister His peace comforting you.

Shalom ~