Letting Go ~

I have been sharing a lot with others over the past few years about grief. Not really a surprise for my hope has always been to encourage others. I recently read in her book that they, Toni Singleton Adams, 'discovered being a widow was like when you purchase a car and discover everyone else has it' - you mostly have something in common with one another. Though not a humorous thought, I had to laugh a little for understanding. My husband was a 'great purchaser' of something new on a regular basis and every time - no matter what vehicle it seemed to be everywhere and in the same color! Basically, you are not the only one alone as you thought - we are many.

I don't remember if I shared in a previous post, I started a widow's group at my local fellowship The River. The ladies are from all different backgrounds, being married a different number of years, having fellowshipped in different denominations, our husbands have gone on having been gone some months and some years.  Two things we share, the loss of their husbands and the belief of seeing them again. We may grieve differently but we all have experienced the same loss of half ourselves.

When we get together, we have an opportunity to encourage one another - share the importance of healing with God's help, continue to learn and grow moving forward, see something that is often forgotten - the importance of who you still are - you are valued, and one other thing though there are many we cover, it's important to allow time to grieve, crying is healing, it is also important in this healing process to yield your loved one to the Lord. Yeilding doesn't mean a nonexistence state as if they didn't exist, you still miss those you love; it also doesn't mean you are dishonoring their memory. It does mean you are allowing for healing by letting go and trusting God in moving forward.

Yielding is not easy; we all want to hold on but yielding our loved one to the Lord and committing - with 'yielding' ourselves we are opening the door for God to start healing our broken heart.  I have had to. With time to think on this and I am willing to trust God - standing on the validity of His Word. 

At the end of last month, I thought of a phrase as I was looking at Jim's journals and missing his presence, I wrote it down.  I guess I was feeling lonely - it is true I purposed in my heart putting God front and center, focusing in on Him and my walk; because I did, even though I still miss Jim, I am able to continue my race* and understand as a widow letting go is very important to continue on my walk with Jesus.  And here comes the phrase - am I honoring his memory or idolizing - by not letting go. It would be easy for us -to fall into the later out of our grief and not wanting to let go or being able in a healthy way to let go.

At church we hear a lot about renewing our minds as written in Romans 12:2 [super important] but what about what is going on in our hearts as? 

  Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. NIV

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. NLT

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow springs of life. ESV

There is no question so many are hurting, grieving for their other half. But there is so much to all of what we are experiencing that God longs to help us with. Several times widows have expressed not enjoying how they are feeling at all though struggle to let go. I believe in yielding and have done so. I still occasionally take steps backward then forwards when issues arise that Jim and I worked out together. However, being honest here, I feel better over-all yielding - letting go while still honoring his memory.

This was not an easy post to write very heartfelt and I am so aware of others grieving. Letting go, I believe, is vital for everyone. Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one or something else you are living in. Moving forward many times means letting go. It is especially true in a relationship with God. Letting go is instrumental for healing and for God taking us to where our lives are to be as His children. Now, isn't all of this in God's timing? Isn't everyone different, healing and growing different? Yes, but for the believer we need to seek Him, put Him first in all things and trusting Him for the outcome. For someone who do not have a relationship with Jesus it is still important to let go to heal, and I pray that you get help need and consider locating a good fellowship or check out Grief Share in your area. You are not alone and there's nothing wrong with getting need help.

*Race - The Bible tells us we are all on a race and we want to finish well. We will one day see them again meanwhile let us finish well and honor their memory with doing so. Hebrew 12:1

Lastly ~

I would like to share a song that a Christian Rock Group - Jonah33 recorded.  I bought the CD years ago. Finding it recently, I listen to it several times. I had shared before how music can be healing this was not different. I listened to the song below with a few tears. The singer points out in his lyrics many things we think ourselves. I believe is sharing about his father you could easily take it as anyone you're missing or are holding on to tightly to. 

Grieving hurts most because we loved much ~ 

Need to Let Go

It comes in like a flood

And shoves off just the same

Never a warning

With no one to blame

And not even time can offer a remedy

Like a knife through my heart

A kiss to my face

Is you memory

Then I saw a face

And I swear it was you 

And I miss you so much

Hey can you hear me?

I need you to know

That if it's all right with you

I just need to let go

'Cause time waits for no one

And life carries on

And I'll never forget you

I just need to let go

I just need to let go

And you'll never find mercy

In the cycle of life

You can't bend the rules

'Cause everyone dies

When my boy looks at me

Like I looked at you

I'll be king of the world

If he loves me half as much as I loved you

Then I saw a face

And I swear it was you

And I miss you so much

Hey can you hear me?

I need you to know

That if it's all right with you 

I just need to let go

'Cause time waits for no one 

And life carries on

And I'll never forget you 

I just need to let go

I just need to let go

Please feel free to email with any questions or concerns you have. Lifting everyone up prayer and know God has plans for loving plans for you. VB

Book mentioned, Diary of a Weeping Widow from Mourning to Morning by Toni Singleton Adams ED.S