Perfect Love ~

This might be an odd title to most of you when reading the contents of this post.  To me it makes “perfect” sense.  I want to start by sharing both my late husband and I journaled; saying late is awkward for me but truthful.  I journaled for years writing my thoughts and prayers and later sharing through blogging.  My husband did the same with also having a real desire to write and publish; he was a man of many talents and gifts.  Perfect love is something we believed is from God, I still do, and it’s no surprise to me that He uses much of what we wrote in our journaling to encourage others but also comforts me in times when I can use a little comforting encouragement myself.  I was thinking yesterday that everyone goes through something unpleasant both believer and non-believer.  The only difference is that one group depends on their own abilities and reason to get through whilst a believer trust’s in God’s direction for the outcome.  Of course, stating this is an in-depth study in and of itself- not one I intend to share at this time.   

During the course of my husband's illness we went through times where we questioned everything.  Jim had always been the main bread winner in our home and he worked very hard to achieve where he was toward the end of his career.  God had opened many doors with high paying positions and Jim used that to share with others his faith.  However, though he had many talents and gifts he was a man who also made mistakes like all of us.  As a believer we are taught to die to ourselves daily and there are times when we rely on self and what we can do.  Though we are trusting in the Lord we are listening to how and what we are seeing in the situation we’re in. 

Sometimes fear creeps in. 

This is what happened when Jim could no longer hold a job for his illness and we lost everything and moved back to Arizona since my Dad offered us a place to stay.   Jim most definitely believed God would take care of us in which He did; but Jim wavered at times and fear would kick in.  The battle that we have is with what we know to be true exercising our faith in our walk and that of free will.   That's where the true test of one's faith begins.  Grace begins when one’s abilities end. 

Jim was always good at putting dates to what he wrote.  As I was reading through one of his journals this bit was nestled in and out of place in his time line.  This would have been written sometime after Jim finally received VA benefits; we spent a few years without.  (God was faithful throughout that time and was our portion just as He said in His Word.)  

Just some quick notes about how silly it is for me to allow the fear of losing the money the VA is compensating me for my disability.  First and foremost, there isn’t enough money in this world to compensate for living in this body—God has an amazing life still ahead for Vicky and I—one that is still of excitement and adventure as we share God’s Kingdom.  As Bill Johnson says we owe it to people to have an encounter with Him, well Jesus—not just the head or heart but a real encounter, one that they can’t deny.  I see myself traveling around the world or the USA preaching; teaching about the Lord.  Writing about what I know to be truth in the Lord.  My healing testimony alone will be something worth writing about.  With full health restored, I’ll be able to hike the Rocky’s, to be able to commune with God to seek His presence—it's hard to explain.  I just know that I don’t want to go back to my old life.  I did enjoy running companies, managing and so forth, but I only want to serve the Lord to contact the lost; to be directly a part of the great harvest—in whatever capacity He wants me in.   

Not sure if all of this makes much sense, I just know that its dumb to worry about losing our only source of income because God heals me—it’s a level of sick or perverse fear that only Satan could dream up.  God’s Word promises us His protection His blessings—that???  I will no longer allow, permit or in any way continue to live in this perverse fear of not having the VA income—period—I want to have full health to be able to walk straight and tall to have strong arms and muscles and joints.  To live pain free to have full restoration of all my joints.  Jim 

Jim’s battle was wanting disparately to be healed and not having the ability for income, more than that he wanted to be physically able to minister wherever the Lord would have him.  The battle of the mind we all struggle with sometimes. There is so much to be said here in a short window.  The main thing I want to share is this .  .  . 

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7  

Perfect love casts out all fear, we/I know this to be true.  When I draw closer to the Lord the relationship that I have with Jesus, not religion but relationship, is one that in your spirit you know His Word is truth.  

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.  1 John 4:18 NASB 

It’s much more than wishful thinking.  Yesterday was my 41st Anniversary – would have been.  It also has been 41 years of following Jesus; I thank the Lord for placing Jim in my life it was the step I needed from always believing in the existence of God to giving my heart to Him-- to Jesus.  My eyes were then opened a vail was removed.  God has kept me throughout my life and has blessed me immensely not necessarily how the world would consider, but better.  God has ever let me/us down even when we let Him down, He remains the same.  

Here it is with another Christmas season – we would say, trust in the Lord with your whole heart.  I can honestly say this is a hard season but I have the love of a Savior which is Christ the Lord!  Jesus is our Christmas gift from God.   

My friend said to me the other day, “You don’t know someone until you meet them.”  How true that is!  I’m so glad I did and as Jim, I would never want to go back to my former old way of life.   

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.  And by Him we cry “Abba, Father.”  Romans 8:15 NIV 

My husband wanted to be healed and to have a life with me and the family he was blessed with.  We both knew his healing might be in the form of leaving.  I know we will all see and be together again.   Most of what Jim’s desires were- are happening even now and in a way we do minister together.   

My hope is that for everyone that reads this will take away something positive - that it may help you in some way maybe with what you are struggling with.  The Christmas season can be hard with expectations you can’t deliver, health problems that keep you bond, mistakes of the past that have caught up with you, feelings of rejections, so so many things that keep us from living our fullest life yet, robbing us of our joy.  Fear is just one of them.  Trust in the Lord – seek Him with your whole heart.  It will be your best Christmas present ever!  Blessings in Him VB