Living in The Past ~

I found myself this morning reflecting. Mulling over and processing or at least .  .  .  the past few months with the loss of my Uncle "Unc" and how he lived his life.  For the most part my brother and I knew him to be the one with the old family stories with many including the both of us, our kids and recent stories we shared with him that became his.  Unc - like myself, found genealogy mixed with old stories of family history very interesting and fun. I have always loved to hear old stories with having many myself. Memories of "good-times" that we all love to hold on to as well as those of "hard-times," those seemingly endless struggles that families and friends have / had overcome. .  

Coming from Pennsylvania with having lived on family property in a smallish rural area close to town; any kid with cousins and friends in any direction - would have plenty of stories stored up in memories  keeping them close to their heart. I laughed many times when my brother commented that every-time he spoke with Unc he'd state, "he literally goes over the same story," .  .  .  I would say try talking about something else with receiving a response of - I dooooo. Ha!  

After spending time with him before he passed away, there seemed to be a whole other side to him that you wonder if living out memories was his life with us and where he lived had another that involved friends there? He did share what he was up to many times but the majority of his conversations were memories. Not as in dementia but he enjoyed those memories and kept them alive with sharing them. I think all of us who heard the family stories whether it were us or cousins appreciated those we remember him telling.  .  . Ha.  I am also of the opinion that after we all moved away to different states, stored memories of us is what made him smile and there wasn't many new memories made as everyone went on with their own lives. In some ways his way of staying connected  and Unc chose to keep this part of his conversation - with me at least as my brother. I did have other talks with him and appreciate the fact I didn't get clobbered when not onboard with the same ideology as others in my family. :) I miss him and it has started to hit me.

But, this is about living in the past.  

As my Unc, I too have many memories - wonderful memories - some good and not so - I visit a bit and then I leave choosing not to stay. I don't believe it is that healthy to stay in a spot where you stop moving forward with you thoughts or can not let go. I believe it's harder to have important conversations with those you love and others when limits are placed. 

There were times I would go back to the past and often thought I should have turned into that pillar of salt as Lot's wife did after she was told not to look back! I believe we all have the tendency to look backwards into the past wishing things were different or would change. But that very act could keep a person from doing just that. As it is also easier to form a habit of just accepting things making excuses for the way things are. It is harder to change - it requires us to do something - a willingness to have conversations that you might not agree with, or hear something that hurts maybe causes one to think of unpleasantries, also the possibility that it is a problem we might have. 

What is there to fear from hearing something that is of a different opinion. This very day we recognize those who gave their lives so we can have the freedom to do just that. But as we see today in our lives how quickly it has sifted culturally to be unacceptable and you are forced into some uncomfortable choices.

Does one stay living in the past holding on to what once was a happier feeling? It had been said, you might not remember exactly what was said but you do remember how it made you feel.  

Sometimes it is a bad feeling and a memory that's held on to with unforgiveness and bitterness, no healing in sight. In turn we limit our conversations by what we want to talk or not talk about. Leaving you with not much to talk about. How many wonderful conversations do we missed out on for our own limitations we place on ourselves and others? Even anger comes into play with those very limitations. Is there no longer freedom or liberty in just having a conversation? 

True, not everyone is tactful or eloquent of speech.  Not all come across with a gazillion smiles or talk only of things you'd like to heard - thus having your ears tickled. And, how much is lost out on when a persons opinion differs - when you never really get to know that person - sharing in return and finding out you both have something of value it offer. 

Is this why we only can share old memories or why people chose to?  Could it have something to do with unresolved hurts - baggage of the past? I'm not trying to analyze anyone here and again I love stories and remembering childhood memories that I can share with my kids and grandkids. But I have many other things I'm also interested in. My husband once said of me that he gave me a lot of credit I keep going in and face sometimes ugliness for things I'm passionate about. 

When sharing about my Unc today, he also kept things - boxes of stuff that for a man who didn't drive depending on a bus, a taxi, and friends or own a home had sooooo much stuff that was also memories many of which were clippings from newspaper articles, even little things placed in his travel bag - sticks - a piece of paper - whatever, so he didn't forget us. We loved our Unc and so precious he saved every piece of mail we sent, from scribbled papers, ABC's, drawings and real letters all throughout the years.

For myself I have been on a journey to unload, and unloading, many things that have weighed me down and kept me from living - moving forward. One thing I would share about my Unc, as much as he lived in memories he had many things he was passionate about - not all everyone might have agreed with, but there were many whom did. A few that I was particularly excited about was his helping homeless people, orphanages, etc. He had many good works and I have heard wonderful memories others have shared that we didn't know of him anywhere from buying food or paying a persons rent - I kind of started this story here.

Being that people have this idea of what they allow others to share makes it hard - rather is is sad to not be able to share yourself.  With honesty and not that I didn't try, as much as I appreciated what I could talk about I'm sadly disappointed that I was never able to share how much I love the Lord and how passionate I feel, how Jesus changed my life from who I was to who I am through Him, Jesus. My friend would say the Lord has to call them. I believe His gift of salvation was for everyone -  I believe a person has to at least, be open to a simple conversation not so limited in what they will talk about and not fearful of what they'll hear or where it might lead. Too value the one sharing enough to listen and check out what they are passionate about - whatever the subject. - I prayed that the Lord work in his life and send those that he would be open to that shared the Love the Lord had for him.  

Many prayers went up for him,

 and lay at Jesus feet. 

Prayers 

I believe were answered  - 

One day we all will see. 

More prayers than mine 

are there - those who've

even prayed for me.

Have now gone before me

a timeless - victory.

As you pray remember,

your prayers are still 

being answered.

Just believe ~

VLB 5/31/21

So what are we to glean from this, maybe; and for me, enjoy the memories you have, make new one with those you love and others, don't hold on to things that keep you bound to the past, trust God by giving all things up to Him, open up and not fear having a conversation for we all have a right to our own opinion and should value each other so much to listen to what is on their heart - hear where they're coming from even if we might not like it or disagree. I do not what to be so drawn and stuck in the past that I miss out on the future the Lord has for me. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and learn not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 We don't always understand what's what so as for me - I will acknowledge Him [God] in all I do and He will make straight my path. Proverbs 3:6  :)

Lifting all things up in prayer and I am thankful we still live in a country that we can have conversations.